5 Ways ADHD Affected My Life: Before I was diagnosed
Symptoms of ADHD are not always cut and dry. Getting diagnosed with ADHD diagnosis was a pivotal moment in my journey to self-discovery. It sheds light on my identity why I do certain things. I was diagnosed at the age of 43, a revelation that helped me make sense of my lifelong feeling of being different. ADHD in women presents differently than in men, making diagnosis as a child less prevalent. Even though I am smart, school was a challenge. I was often criticized for not applying myself. I struggle with tasks as an adult, too, but have found a way to leverage my skills to adapt and thrive.
It wasn’t until adulthood, when I encountered social media content about ADHD, that I started to question if I might have it. It seemed unlikely. After all, I had graduated from college and even earned a master’s degree. I just needed some lessons in organization. It puzzled me how I could have lived for 43 years without anyone noticing that I had ADHD. Feeling discouraged about life, I eventually decided to seek help through therapy.
I have to say, I lucked out with my therapist. Before my first session, I poured out all my troubles on a questionnaire. When we met, she already had a hunch that I might have ADHD, even before I brought it up. We went over the signs and symptoms together, and a lot of them seemed to fit. She suggested getting tested, and sure enough, I got a formal diagnosis a few weeks later. Suddenly, a lot of things I’d been struggling with made sense, and having an explanation made me feel a whole lot better.
How did undiagnosed ADHD impact me?
- Simple Chaos: I used to be extremely disorganized, and it was a real struggle. I still am but have just learned better ways to cope. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to figure out how to keep things in order. I wanted everything to be neat and tidy, but it just never stayed that way. My desk was covered in stacks of papers, which I jokingly called my “filing system.” Important documents like birth certificates and school notices would often go missing. There were piles of stuff everywhere, especially things that I brought in from the car and couldn’t find a place for. Getting ready in the morning was a nightmare because I could never find my things. I had trouble deciding where everything should go so, I could find it later. I never had a meal plan, so dinner was always a last-minute decision, and I often forgot to take anything out of the freezer. These were just a few of the challenges I faced.
- The Outsider: I always felt like I didn’t quite fit in, both in high school and as an adult. Even though I had friends, I often felt like I was just someone they hung out with when no one else was around, not their closest friend. This feeling has stuck with me into adulthood. I really want close connections, but I find it hard to make them. I even talked to my husband about feeling like many people in our friend group didn’t like me. He didn’t agree and pointed out that I often think people don’t like me, which made me realize he might be right. Sometimes, I can feel rejected even when it’s not intended, like when someone doesn’t reply to a text or declines plans because they’re busy. This can make me want to pull back from relationships. This is called rejection sensitivity comma and is common in those diagnosed with ADHD. Sidenote: If you are looking for ways to add quality time and improve those female friendships, check out my blog post on that topic https://unveilingme.com/building-bonds-3-fun-ways-friendships/
- The Accident-Prone Adventurer: I’ve always been clumsy, ever since I was a kid, and that hasn’t changed as I’ve grown up. My family used to tease me about being accident-prone and joked that I had my own room at the local emergency room. When I was little, I apparently stuck a fork in my eye while trying to eat dinner—I guess I missed my mouth! Another time, I fell off a chair while watching my mom cook and ended up needing stitches on my chin. There are plenty more stories like that I could share. As an adult, I’m more careful, so I haven’t had any ER visits lately, but I still manage to stub my toes a lot and walk into furniture more often than I’d like to admit.
- The Forgetful Wanderer: I tend to be forgetful and absent-minded. I often forget things, even if I just thought of them. It seems like I never have the things I need with me. For example, I might take my wallet out of one purse to switch to another, only to end up at the store without it because I forgot to put it in the new purse. Once, I had a lightbulb in my purse to replace at the store, but I completely forgot about it for several days. Then, one morning, I grabbed my water bottle to put in my purse before heading to work. When I got there, I discovered that not only did I have a broken lightbulb in my purse, but the water bottle I threw in had no lid, so my purse was soaked with water and filled with broken glass. Sometimes, I struggle to find the right words or remember details from conversations I’ve had. If I don’t write down small errands, I often forget to do them. And before I had a car with a push-button start, finding my keys was always a challenge—I’m lucky I made it anywhere!
- The Quest for Satisfaction: I often felt restless, dissatisfied, and bored with my life. While I had no trouble holding down a job, I switched positions within the same company every few years because I became bored and discontented. At home, my life was great. My husband and I built a beautiful home, we had three kids involved in various activities, we traveled frequently, and we attended social events. Yet, I was always looking for the next big thing – the next house, the next vacation, the next job. I couldn’t understand why I was never content. ADHD drives our brains to seek dopamine, and new and exciting experiences provide that rush of dopamine. Planning vacations was exhilarating, but when it came time to go on them, I lacked enthusiasm. Similarly, decorating our new home and buying furniture kept me engaged, but once it was finished, I felt lost.
Do you suspect you have ADHD?
You might wonder, doesn’t everyone experience these feelings occasionally? While it’s true that everyone may feel this way at times, individuals with ADHD often experience these symptoms more intensely and frequently. It can significantly affect daily life, making it challenging to find balance and a sense of belonging. This struggle can be exhausting. If you suspect you may have ADHD, I recommend speaking with a therapist or physician and considering professional testing. They can provide strategies to manage the disorder effectively. Proper treatment can make a significant difference in your life.